EVENT 001 RECAP

THIS OR THAT: Love / Sex / Relationships

RECAP

Last month, I produced and sold out my first event.

Have you ever got together 50 of your friends, family, colleagues and lovers in a room, to talk about love, sex, and relationships?

If not, I highly recommend it — even if only to see your cousin’s face when you bring up sex work while she’s sitting next to her dad and across from your coworkers. Uncomfortable? Slightly. Hilarious? Absolutely. Worth it? 100%

Getting an idea out into the world is one thing; getting past self-doubt is another.

Here’s the story of Event 001.

THE INITIAL IDEA

It started last December, partying at Phonox in Brixton with my mate Saph at a No Signal night. In the crowd, drink in my hand, music at max, I started wanting a space that felt like the smoking area of a night out (deep chats) and the dance-floor of a party (chaotic fun) combined.

I wanted laughter and depth. Banter and connection. All at the same time.

That idea became This or That.

For months I found excuses not to do it:

“When I find a business partner.”

“When I have more money.”

“When work quiets down.”

“When I’m over my breakup.”

“When my mental health is better.”

This was all just anxiety and self-doubt.

By August, I was done delaying. I booked a venue, locked in the date, and launched ticket sales.

I almost canceled but my best mate paid £117 to change her theatre tickets to come to my event. She said I didn’t have a choice. She was right.

WHAT IS THIS OR THAT

It’s a social discussion game built around fun, risky, open conversation. Hosted by me and my wild, wonderful co-host Lydia, we pose ten “This or That” statements based on a theme and ask guests to vote with their cards — then discuss why.

I wanted it to be affordable, welcoming, judgment-free, and full of energy. A space where my people from the different groups in my life: friends, family, colleagues, lovers, could connect, despite any perceived difference.

The first This or That theme: Love / Sex / Relationships.

We chatted kink, is cheating a dealbreaker, sex work, getting tested for stds in relationships, whether political leaders should be held to higher moral sexual standards, paying for sex. The range was wild, and so were the insights.

PLANNING: the game

The planning process was… let’s say organic. I’d come up with topic ideas at the most random times — out and about, on the train, mid-conversation, during sex 😅. Inspiration had no boundaries, and honestly, that made it more fun.

I wanted the topics to strike a balance — a mix of fun, lighthearted, deep, political, naughty, risky, and thought-provoking. Something that would make people laugh one minute and think the next.

In total, we only had two proper practice sessions. The first was completely unplanned, a casual morning over breakfast mimosas with my cousin after she randomly stayed the night at mine. The statements made her laugh hard and think deep, I felt like I was onto something.

The second was a bit more structured (and a lot more boozy). A night with my co-host Lydia, her cousin Yamsin, a bottle of Patrón, and a whole lot of laughter.

We sat on her living room floor, fleshing out ideas, rewording prompts, playing around with tone and flow until it clicked. It wasn’t a perfectly polished planning process, but it was real, creative, and full of the same energy that ended up defining the night itself.

  • Notes, stickers, and containers scattered on a wooden floor, with two black and yellow 'THRIVE' stickers and a black and white sticker visible among the papers.
  • Two people sitting on the floor holding signs in front of their faces. The signs spell "THAT" in different fonts and colors. White person on the left with short hair and dark skin; person on the right wearing a yellow beanie and a black t-shirt.
  • A white card with handwritten text: 'Jelousy = Love, Jelousy = Insecurity,' surrounded by colorful sticky notes on a wooden surface.
  • Two hands holding black signs that read "THIS" and "THAT" in opposite orientations.
  • Woman with blonde wavy hair, wearing a black t-shirt, sitting at a table with flyers, holding one flyer in her hand, in a room with blue walls, a bookshelf, and a glass of orange juice on the table.
  • Woman with blonde hair and a gray headband smiling while looking at a black and white photo or card on a table. There is a glass of orange juice and a bookshelf in the background, with a blue wall behind her.
  • A round table with several blue and black cards, some yellow papers, a pen, a pen, a bottle of wine, and two glasses of orange juice.

PLANNING: THE FOOD

When I started planning this, I knew I didn’t want the food to be an afterthought, it had to be a highlight. I called up one of my closest mates (and top 3 best chefs around) Charles. From the jump, he told me, “I’m making my fried chicken — it’s special.”

Naturally, I had to see what the hype was about. I went over to his place in Woolwich for a tasting. He wasn’t lying. The chicken was next level. The perfect crunch, the tender meat, the secret spice mix that clearly had love and obsession behind it, his homemade “buff” sauce - his take on a buffalo sauce. No exaggeration, it wasn’t just fried chicken, it was an experience.

Inspired by his passion, I had fun tying it all into the night’s theme of love / sex / relationships. I came up with a playful menu lineup that got people talking (and laughing):

One Night Chick — chef’s chicken in strip form, pun intended.

Pun Intended — chicken burger with loads of innuendo in the description 😅

Forbidden Fritters — the vegan and gluten-free “cheat” I wanted to taste good and sound naughty

The feedback on the food was phenomenal, and my fave feedback came from a Instagram DM a few days later: “The chicken was chickening like never before” 😂

  • Person in a white shirt and dark apron standing at a kitchen sink, holding a knife near the window, with dishes and utensils organized around.
  • A fried chicken sandwich being topped with mayonnaise by a person in a kitchen. The sandwich is on a wooden countertop with a knife, a cleaver, and sliced green onions nearby.
  • Assorted coleslaw salads on paper with a note indicating wet slaw on top and dry slaw below.
  • Basket of fried chicken pieces garnished with green onions on branded paper.
  • Basket of fried chicken pieces garnished with sliced green onions, a container of yellow spice labeled 'Secret Spice,' a bowl of French fries, and various kitchen utensils and condiments on a table.
  • Two fried chicken sandwiches with shredded lettuce, mayonnaise, and toasted buns, served on branded paper with yellow and black text.
  • Person cutting a sandwich filled with fried chicken, lettuce, and sauce at a table with various side dishes and dipping sauces.
  • Two men sitting at a dinner table with food and drinks, one with glasses and a white shirt, the other with a brown shirt and a beard, having a conversation indoors.
  • Close-up of a hand placing a slice of cucumber on a plate of fried chicken, sandwich bread, and dipping sauces on a table at a restaurant.
  • A person is signing a document at a table in a restaurant, with a black and white cat's face peering over their shoulder. The table has stacks of white bowls and some crumbs scattered on the surface.

PLANNING: THE drinks

I wanted the drinks to have just as much thought as the food. They had to be intentional, creative, and a little bit cheeky. 

I made a trip to one of my favourite spirit distributors, Amathus in Soho, to get some expert advice. I wanted to use quality spirits but still keep things within budget (because, you know, reality).

I reached out to friends and an absolute genius Roch behind the bar. Together we create custom cocktails that matched the night’s flirty theme.

I went over to Roch’s place for a tasting, and it turned into one of those magical nights, her partner cooked a sexy dinner while we mixed, tasted, and chatted love, sex, and relationships.

I wanted the drinks to follow a journey and tell a bit of a story, encourage guests to have all three to follow that journey, so we came up with these 

The First Kiss — light, fun, a little unexpected.

Dirty Talk — smooth, bold, and full of attitude

The Climax — we intentionally left off the description for this one, like most climaxes… we wanted it to be a surprise

Like a lot of humans in world, one of the cocktails was a happy accident. Roch made a mix, tasted it, hated it, and was ready to pour it down the sink. I curiously asked her to try it — and immediately loved it. We tweaked it, played around with the flavour, and that “mistake” actually became the highest selling drink of the night.

Honestly, creating both the food & drink menus with my friends was the heart of it all. Laughter, experimentation, and a little bit of chaos. Collaboration is actually everythinggggg.

  • Person swinging a book in front of a refrigerator in a kitchen, with a lit candle in the foreground and various items on the countertop.
  • Two cups labeled 'Dirty Talk 1' and 'Dirty Talk 2' with drinks and black straws on a table, surrounded by plastic cups, a candle holder with candles, a bottle, and a glass of water.
  • A kitchen countertop with jars, a framed picture, a cream-colored kettle, and a container holding wooden spoons and black utensils. A person's arm is reaching out to grasp a measuring cup filled with red liquid.
  • Two people sitting at a dinner table with candles, food, and drinks, engaging in conversation, in a cozy indoor setting.
  • Three blue sticky notes on a wooden table with handwritten message 'The first kiss' and numbered circles 2, 3, and 4. Partially visible cup of coffee or tea is on the right side.
  • Bar counter with various liquor bottles, a can of coconut milk, a jar of agave nectar, some squeeze bottles, and a glass pitcher with a dark liquid and a metal spoon inside.
  • A hand holding a lime wedge garnished with shredded coconut, being placed on top of a drink with ice and creamy light-colored liquid in a paper cup.
  • Two women in a kitchen, one drinking from a blue cup and holding a small white dog, while the other woman stands nearby looking at her.
  • Counter at a grocery store checkout with a person in black clothing, two cans of condensed milk and hot chocolate mix, and various snacks and items around.
  • A man with a gray mustache and short gray hair standing in front of shelves of various bottles of alcohol at a store. He is wearing a black jacket and a dark shirt with a yellow and white logo on it.
  • Open spiral-bound notebook resting on a wooden table, with a blurred background of bottles and bananas.

EVENT DAY: SETUP

Every guest was given a complimentary welcome shot on arrival — “Blue Balls” (naturally). Shoutout to my cousin Narj who came through with the blue Powerade suggestion when I lost the initial ingredient that made it blue. Event pros know: something always goes wrong, creativity saves the day.

I only realised we’d completely sold out while we were setting up. Before I got there, there were still five tickets left and I was determined to hit that target.

Not gonna lie, I definitely shed a little gangster tear when I saw it sold out. That moment hit hard. Selling out my first event with a tiny budget, barely any marketing, and a whole lot of self-doubt felt incredible. One of my top three moments of 2025 for sure.

Shoutout to the dream team for my first event: Lydia, Narja, Charles, Lorenzo, Cece, and Roch

  • Two women are working together in a kitchen, pouring a blue liquid from a funnel into a rectangular container. The woman on the left is holding the funnel, and the woman on the right is holding the container. The background includes kitchen shelves with cups, jars, and framed pictures.
  • A man wearing a yellow beanie and a dark green sweatshirt sits in a white chair, leaning back with his hands on his head, smiling at the camera. He is beside a desk with a laptop and a stack of papers.
  • A young woman with dark hair in buns and wearing hoop earrings is sitting in a cafe, covering her mouth with her hand while holding a fork in her other hand. Behind her, a refrigerator with drinks and a chalkboard menu are visible.
  • Person assembling stickers or labels on a table inside a cafe or shop, with a bottle of sparkling water, paper cups, a cardboard box with the Amazon logo, and some plants and windows in the background.
  • A young man with a beard, wearing a white t-shirt, a necklace, and a black baseball cap, sitting and leaning back in a chair in a café or restaurant, with a slight smile.
  • A man with a beard wearing a yellow beanie and green hoodie stands outside a café with a black chalkboard menu. The café's large window displays handwritten signs for coffee, ice cream, soft drinks, beer, wine, and fresh orange juice. Outdoor seating with light green tables and chairs is visible in the foreground.

EVENT HIGHLIGHTS

Some standout moments for me:

  • “Some people are dancing in spiritually barren lands.” A response when we were discussing whether raceplay as a kink should be shamed or not. Harsh but Iconic.

  • “You’ll learn to love your husband on your multiple holidays a year.” A hilarious response on the topic of love vs. financial stability. Savage? Possibly. True? Potentially.

  • “When you cheated, you broke the deal.” A mic-drop moment that ended a heated debate about whether cheating is forgivable or not. Jay you killed that.

  • “Bareback!” I have absolutely no context for this. Someone just randomly shouted it out during a discussion. Chaotic as hell and comedy gold.

  • “Getting tested isn’t about trusting my relationship, it’s about me protecting my own health.” A response when discussing monogamy and STD tests. Powerful

  • A man with blonde hair, a beard, and wearing an orange shirt standing next to a smiling woman with a shaved head, gold earrings, and a black strapless top. They are in front of a black backdrop with signs that say 'THIS' and 'THAT.'
  • People sitting in a row at an indoor event, clapping and smiling, with some holding black and yellow pamphlets.
  • Two smiling men standing outdoors with arm around each other, one holding a small bottle of sanitizer. In the background, city buildings are blurred.
  • A woman with dark hair and brown eyes, wearing gold earrings and layered necklaces, smiling with minimal makeup in a grey top with a ruffled collar.
  • A group of diverse young adults sitting in a row at an indoor event, holding signs with various symbols and letters, with a woman with long blonde hair, a bandana, and a nose ring smiling at the camera in focus.
  • Two women standing outdoors, one holding a smartphone, smiling and looking to the side, background showing a storefront with illuminated signs.
  • Group of diverse people seated closely together during an event, holding signs with the word 'SHE' and 'SHA', some looking at a woman with red hair in the center, who is holding a cup.
  • A group of people gathered indoors, with two individuals standing and speaking to the audience. The woman on the left is wearing an off-the-shoulder black top and white jeans, smiling and gesturing. The man on the right is wearing an orange shirt over a black shirt, holding what appears to be a microphone or musical instrument. The audience is seated, clapping, and attentively listening, with artwork hanging on the wall behind them.
  • Black poster with yellow text that reads 'PAYING FOR SEX'
  • A group of diverse people sitting and engaging in a discussion or panel in a cozy, stylish room with decorative signs on the walls.

The only unanimous answer of the night? Bum play. Everyone agreed men should be free to explore without labels. Progressive.

When we touched on girth vs. length, one guest flipped the perspective:

“If we were comparing women’s bodies like this, it’d be inappropriate.”

Another mic drop, and a learning moment for me.

The best part for me? Seeing my people who were strangers a couple of hours ago, continue the conversations during breaks. Watching new connections form over taboo topics was genuinely beautiful, I even felt gutted when I was too busy running logistics to join in.

  • People gathered in a room attending a discussion or presentation, with some holding signs and papers, and a man speaking in the foreground.
  • A woman holding a sign with the word 'Caught' written backwards, with a slight smile and a focused expression, in an indoor setting with colorful artwork on the wall.
  • Two women smiling and posing for a photo, one making a peace sign. They are in an indoor setting with other people in the background.
  • Group of women smiling and holding up signs with the word 'SHIFT' written in yellow and black, in a lively indoor setting with hanging lights and colorful neon lights in the background.
  • Three young adults enjoying a conversation in a cozy café, with one woman holding a small teal-colored perfume bottle, all smiling and engaging with each other.
  • A group of people smiling and holding signboards with the word 'THAT' written in yellow on a black background, while sitting indoors.
  • A group of women attending an event, with one woman smiling at the camera in the foreground, wearing a black cap, a leopard print top, a grey herringbone jacket, and a chunky amber necklace, with others in the background examining programs and engaging.
  • Two people hugging, smiling, in a lively art gallery. Several viewed artworks and audience members watching with smiles.
  • A man in a white t-shirt, jeans, white sneakers, and a black cap stands with clasped hands, looking at a woman seated behind a cluttered counter in an art gallery or cafe. The dashboard with glasses, flowers, and miscellaneous items is visible on the counter, along with a computer, menu, and a flower arrangement. The background features numerous framed pictures and signs on the white wall.
  • A smiling woman with dark skin, wearing large orange hoop earrings, a headscarf, and makeup with white eyeliner, standing indoors with colorful lights in the background.

FEEDBACK

I was confident people would have fun. I was confident it would be appreciate. But I didn’t anticipate just how much. The feedback was unreal — people called it meaningful, freeing, hilarious, and needed.

I felt like I didn’t just create another event, I feel like we created a space that mattered.

My fav bit of feedback came via a WhatsApp voice note the next morning:

  • Screenshot of a WhatsApp message with a light background, containing text about enjoying an event with some emojis, including hearts, a smiling face with hearts, and a laughing face.
  • A screenshot of a WhatsApp chat message with a beige background and faint icons such as cameras, hearts, and shopping carts. The message has the word "Today" at the top, and the timestamp at the bottom reads 07:38. The message recounts a personal story about waking up in the middle of the night and realizing the writer had dated a man for two years who did sex work.
  • A text message conversation on a phone screen, with a message praising someone's facilitation and openness at an event, sent at 8:47 AM, along with a smiling face with big eyes emoji.
  • A smiling woman with dark skin, large orange hoop earrings, wearing makeup with silver eyeliner, and a headscarf, standing in a warmly lit indoor space.

LESSONS & WHAT’S NEXT

Biggest takeaway: I can actually make good sh*t happen. I’ve gotta get out of my head more.

Room for improvement: Loads. I’ve got a list of operational improvements for the next one.

When is the next one: Coming soon👀 the lineup of my next ten events is below, with more info coming sooooooooon.

And in the process, I’m learning the most I’ve ever learnt about what makes a great event. I’m excited what’s to come.

Follow the journey👉 @chasedoesevents

The next 10 events 👇